Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Fast Food Bracket

Here's the deal. It's becoming a weekend tradition for me and one of my roommates, Alex (The Daggy, on Twitter at @Tsoupac), and I to do a random March Madness bracket. Maybe it's just a March thing. Last weekend we went thru a candy bracket that was featured in a Reese's commercial (link here). This weekend, we did a random fast food bracket that we found online. Here's the blank bracket, if you want to fill it out (we won't be offended if you only fill it out inside your head):

Some bullets (pun intended, as usual) from the first three rounds:

  • McDonalds and Taco Bell flew through to the Final Four. Like they were never challenged. 
  • Sonic is so overrated, so we went with Chinese food instead. But then Panda Express lost to Church's so that whole piece of the bracket was a waste. 
  • The upset of Subway was entirely Alex's doing. I hate Subway and White Castle. I wish they could have both lost. **but a note from could you have WC losing to Subway. On the weekend when you're feeling nice, do you really want Subway? Or would you rather split a Crave Case (30 cheeseburgers) with one of your homies. For me, this is a landslide. Plus, who would ever give Subway a #1 seed? Shit's absurd... 
  • Chipotle smoked White Castle. If this was a basketball game, the score would have been 150-18. 
  • We must really like chicken. Church's and KFC both made it to the Elite Eight pretty easily. 
  • For In-N-Out Burger, we had them fly through the first couple rounds because we love the food and the atmosphere. But then we realized that part of the In-N-Out charm is the fact that it's always gorgeous in California and the sunshine makes food taste better. It's kind of like a "grass is always greener on the other side" sort of thing. You know?
  • KFC over Five Guys really hurt me. Five Guys was a huge part of my high school career. But sometimes the head has to trump the heart. You know?
  • Panera. The amount that Daggy and I love Panera is borderline homosexual. The (insert your favorite kind of soup) in a breadbowl with half a (your favorite) sandwich is nearly unbeatable. We set our pride aside and brought them all the way to the Final Four. No homo, I swear. **but a note from it really that homo? I mean on some real shit...think about it. You get that broccoli cheddar in a bread bowl with a half a sandwich which has bacon on it of course. The core of the bread bowl is on the side but before you pay, you'll be asked, "Would you like more bread or an apple on the side?"....that's a question? Is that really how you feel though? Bread for days. **back to Jay. Obviously you take the bread over the apple. Come on. 
Our Final Four: McDonald's vs. Panera -and- Chipotle vs. Taco Bell.
  • This was easy. Mickey Dee's thrashed Panera and Taco Bell STOMPED all over Chipotle's whole family. 
Which left us in a predicament. McDonald's or Taco Bell? We decided to take some time to think about the dilemma. We shotgunned beers; we played Halo; we watched our roommate play NHL; we listened to a lot of Old School Lil' Wayne and Boyder & Brain; we thought deeply. 

Eventually, we decided that this shit was impossible. The only way to settle it was to make a starting five for each restaurant. 

Team McDonald's:
  • Big Mac
  • Chipotle BBQ Crispy Snack Wrap
  • Shamrock Shake
  • Chicken McNuggets
  • Sausage McMuffin with Egg
Team Taco Bell
  • Doritos Loco Taco
  • Crunchwrap Supreme
  • Cheesy Gordita Crunch
  • Volcano Taco
  • Cinnamon Twists
In determining each side's starting five, we determined that McDonald's blows Taco Bell out of the water. Sure Taco Bell is awesome, but they have a really limited menu - I personally only order like four things (Volcano Taco, Doritos Locos Taco, Crunchy Taco, Soft Taco). But I will say that I'm going to get a Cheesy Gordita Crunch next time I get TBell.

McDonald's just has to much to offer. Breakfast choices for days. Chicken in half a dozen different delicious ways. Burgers on burgers. The best french fries in existence. Shamrock shakes. 
**note from Daggy/Buzz: I felt real bad about his final decision. I mean, I agree with it. But on some real...Taco Bell is the keesh (note from Jay: quiche?). When I wake up in the morning, I could always go for a Crunchwrap Supreme, regardless of my state of mind or sobriety. How many other foods could you say that about? I must say I'm biased because, as the Chief Coordinator of Greenery, Taco Bell is always the most appealing. But in the end, I have to look at the menu as a whole, not just the 5 Buck Box that Chuck Barkley promotes, as well as the reliable opinion of my boy Jae Crowder. JetLife to the next...
Upon close examination, it was never a contest. Here's our picks:

1 comment:

  1. While this bracket does seem easy, it offers one distinct and overwhelming problem. Every franchise of fast food is different. You having Church's going so far in this tournament shows me that we have had vastly different Church's experiences. As for liking Panera so much, I just have to say that you are a soccer mom.