2016 Grammys Recap

I was not thrilled with out last night played out. If you recall, our bet slip was:

Album of the Year 1989 (-250)
Best New Artist James Bay (+200)
Record of the Year Blank Space (+600)
Record of the Year Can't Feel My Face (+600)
Song of the Year See You Again (+700)

Things That Were Good

• Chris Stapleton won his first Grammy! I love that guy
• Taylor Swift won album of the year for 1989
• Justin Bieber is fucking amazing, feel free to @ me
• Josh Groban is still alive

Things That Were Bad

• Every other bet we made lost
• James Bay lost Best New Artist to Meghan Trainor, who has been releasing music of her own since 2009 (I was still legally unable to drive past 9pm by myself at that point)
• Record of the year went to Bruno Mars for his blatant plagiarism of Trinidad James, which is a bad precedent to set for the future of music in my opinion
• Ellie Goulding's lip injection obviously ran into some sort of complications
• The Fast And The Furious was snubbed by yet another mainstream awards show, SMH
• Why couldn't the Adele microphone fuckup have happened to literally anyone else? Adele handled it so well. I would have much rather seen someone throw a fit on stage in front of millions of people
• I don't know how most people felt about Lady Gaga's tribute to David Bowie, but I hated it
• Who invited this fucking guy?

2016 Grammys Betting Preview

Every hipster's least favorite awards show of the year is on tonight - The Grammys. It's a night where we celebrate Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Meghan Trainor, and the rest of the people who have slowly ruined music over the past decade or so. Year after year of seeking a huge payday has left us with a bunch of rich artists and labels, and a whole lot of crappy songs on the radio.

So, we might as well make some money of our own right? Bovada has four props available:

Album of the Year

Nominees: Taylor Swift's 1989 (-250), Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp A Butterfly (+300), and then Alabama Shakes, The Weeknd, and Chris Stapleton are all pretty heavy underdogs

Recent winners:Beck's Morning Phase (2015), Daft Punk's Random Access Memories (2014), Mumford & Sons' Babel (2013), Adele's 21 (2012), Arcade Fire's The Suburbs (2011), Taylor Swift's Fearless (2010)

I love Taylor Swift, I know Dag loves Taylor Swift, and I just wish the line on 1989 paid more. Lock that in, and maybe mix it into a parlay.

Best New Artist

Nominees: Meghan Trainor (-125), James Bay (+200), Sam Hunt (+500), and then Courtney Barnett and Tori Kelly are pretty heavy underdogs

Recent winners: Sam Smith (2015), Macklemore (2014), Fun (2013), Bon Iver (2012), Esperanza Spalding (2011), Zac Brown Band (2010)

As you can see, to win Best New Artist you don't really have to be new and you definitely don't have to be the best. For reference, my picks for those six years would have been:

• 2015 - I have no complaints with Sam Smith
• 2014 - I'm pretty sure that even Macklemore thought Kendrick Lamar should win
• 2013 - Your options here were Fun, Alabama Shakes, Hunter Hayes, Frank Ocean, and the Lumineers. Am I allowed to pick nobody?
• 2012 - I'd go Skrillex just because of how revolutionary he was
• 2011 - How the FUCK did Esperanza Spalding win over Justin Bieber, Drake, Florence and the Machine, and Mumford & Sons? Holy Christ
• 2010 - Zac Brown was the right choice

I had never heard of James Bay until writing this post, but he almost kinda looks like Keira Knightley. I'm not sure if that's going to help him or hurt him here. Courtney Barnett and Tori Kelly are also total question marks for me, but their odds are so high that I'd be shocked if they won. 

That leaves us with Meghan Trainor (who I hate) and Sam Hunt (who a lot of people hate) to wager on. I think I'd stay away here, because I refuse to bet on Trainor and I don't think Sam Hunt will win for the same reason Skrillex didn't win; he has a unique sound that will likely end up changing quite a bit in the genre, but that doesn't get rewarded with a Grammy. 

You know, after writing that, I think I'm in on James Bay. He's got a decent payout at +200 and Wikipedia tells me he started playing guitar after he heard Eric Clapton's Layla. Why not, right? #cocaine

Record of the Year

Nominees: Bruno Mars' Uptown Funk (-500), Taylor Swift's Blank Space (+600), The Weeknd's Can't Feel My Face (+600), Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud (+1400), and then a D'Angelo song is +2500

Recent winners: Sam Smith's Stay With Me (2015), Daft Punk's Get Lucky (2014), Gotye's Somebody That I Used To Know (2013), Adele's Rolling In The Deep (2012), Lady Antebellum's Need You Now (2011), Kings Of Leon's Use Somebody (2010)

Two notes here: first, there's like a 50% chance the Record is coming from the Best New Artist in any given year. Except there's no pair that would work, so just go ahead and cancel that whole theory for this year. 

Second, the winner of the Record of the Year category is almost always a song that I think is good. This year, that means we can throw D'Angelo and Ed Sheeran in the trash. You can essentially get 3/1 odds by betting on both Blank Space and Can't Feel My Face, but that might be a waste of money. Out of all the lines Bovada has, Uptown Funk is far and away the most heavily favored. 

Song of the Year

Nominees: Taylor Swift's Blank Space (-150), Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud (+200), Wiz Khalifa's See You Again (+700), Kendrick Lamar's Alright (+900), and then a Little Big Town song is +2000

Recent winners: Sam Smith's Stay With Me (2015), Lorde's Royals (2014), Fun's We Are Young (2013), Adele's Rolling In The Deep (2012), Lady Antebellum's Need You Now (2011), Beyonce's Single Ladies (2010)

Am I crazy for thinking See You Again should be more heavily favored here? At +700, it's in the same range as songs that have almost no chance of winning in some other categories. But the story behind the song is a really emotional one, and it would be a very touching moment on stage. 

The Bet Slip

AotY 1989 (-250)

BNA James Bay (+200)

RotY Blank Space (+600)

RotY Can't Feel My Face (+600)

SotY See You Again (+700)

The Bruins/Canadiens Jerseys From The Winter Classic Are Being Auctioned For Denna Laing

In the wake of Denna Laing's scary injury on the Winter Classic rink in Boston, the hockey community came together to support her emotionally and financially. If you haven't already, take a look at her website and her Twitter page. It's a really powerful story and it's one of the best examples of people coming together to support someone in need. 

One way the teams involved in the Winter Classic are supporting Denna is auctioning off their game-worn jerseys from that afternoon. The auctions are winding to a close (they end between 9 and 10 o'clock tonight). 

So, naturally, let's look to see who's doing the most good for the world in the form of their charity auction making the most money.

(Note: because Denna is from Massachusetts, the money is skewed heavily toward the Bruins' side.)

1. Patrice Bergeron (Current Bid $5,100)

2. Brad Marchand ($3,720.63)

No surprise at the top. The hometown favorites have attracted more bids and more money than everyone else. Bergeron and Marchand both also donated suites at a Bruins' game to the Denna Laing Fund, which are currently being raffled off. 

The Bruins organization as a whole has pledged to donate at least $200,000. 

3. Tuukka Rask ($3,520)

Rask, of course, has been a staple in Boston for a while. And people love goalies. 

4. Dennis Seidenberg ($2,620)

I have to say, I'm a little surprised that Seidenberg is raking in this much. He's not from the area (or even the country), but he's been in Boston since 2009. 

He's also mentioned in most of the articles announcing the Laing family's plan to sue the NHL, because he commented on the poor ice quality of the Winter Classic rink. 

5. PK Subban ($2,520)

Knowing the kind of person Subban is, I wouldn't be surprised if he swooped in at the last minute and donated a bunch of money in the form of a bid on his own jersey.  

And, knowing how the Boston-Montreal rivalry is, Bruins fans would call him classless for pushing the donation for his own jersey above the donation for Bergeron's. 

6. Max Talbot ($2,141.21)

7. Brendan Gallagher ($2,020)

Another pair of surprises, though Talbot's gritty style made him a fan favorite everywhere he's ever played. Gallagher is young a promising? I guess? Good for him for fetching more than some of the big guns that played in the game. 

8. David Krejci ($1,820)

9. David Pastrnak ($1,760)

10. Zdeno Chara ($1,720)

I expected these three to raise more money because they represent the past, present, and future (though not in that order) of the Bruins. 

11. Andrei Markov ($1,490)

12. Max Pacioretty ($1,470)

13. Loui Eriksson ($1,370.05)

I also expected Pacioretty's sweater to raise more, since he's the captain of the Habs and all. Markov and Eriksson aren't too surprising, because one's way past his prime and the other is leaving his team before the trade deadline. 

(I don't know which of Markov/Eriksson is which though, and they might actually both be both.)

14. Mike Condon ($1,300)

This might be the most surprising of all. Condon is from Massachusetts, his dad was one of the state troopers assigned to the game, and his story was one of the better ones from the Winter Classic weekend. I would have thought someone would splurge to have his sweater on the wall of their mancave. 

And the bottom three...

46. Devante Smith-Pelly ($556)

Tough break for DSP, who "plays in the style of a power forward and is known for his hitting and forechecking abilities" (thanks, Wikipedia).

47. Joe Morrow ($545)

48. Victor Bartley ($420)

To be totally honest with you guys, I didn't realize either of these people was a professional hockey player until right now. They may not be - are they trainers or refs or something? 

Either way, the fact that a pair of no-names can combine to raise $1000 for a good cause like this is amazing, and I hope these bids all skyrocket before the night is over. 

Give Up, You're Dead, Sell At The Trade Deadline (Part II: West)

Yesterday, I examined which pending free agents would make the best trade deadline rentals from the Eastern Conference (link here). Today, let's look at the Western Conference, where I've determined that the Predators, Wild, Jets, Coyotes, Canucks, and Flames are all dead.

So, let's look to the West to see who can join Eric Staal, Loui Eriksson, Kris Versteeg, Sam Gagner, Jean-Michael Liles, Andrei Markov, and Evgeny Medvedev at the top of the trading block.

Western Conference

Nashville Predators

We'll start with a team that is, admittedly, maybe not dead. They currently have the top Wild Card spot in the conference, so obviously they aren't terrible.

But their first round series is either going to go through Chicago or Los Angeles, and this team is just flat out not good enough to beat either of those teams.

So, they don't need to tear it all down, but they could ship out some expiring deals to improve their future outlook. After all, the core of Neal-Fisher-Smith-Johansen-Forsberg-Weber-Josi-Ellis-Rinne is all under contract until at least 2018 (and most are on the books beyond that).

Nashville has forwards Paul Gaustad and Cody Bass expiring. Gaustad, to be honest, probably is not worth a whole lot. I guess it makes sense to try to get something for him as a veteran presence, but this seems to be the group for the Preds.

Minnesota Wild

The Wild are in an almost identical situation as the Predators. They aren't a bad team, as evidenced by the fact that they're currently just 2 points out of a playoff spot. But, like Nashville, they're either going to have to go through Chicago or LA and they just aren't good enough to win there.

Also like Nashville, they have a core in place for a long way into the future. They'd be best served by shipping off some pieces this year to make sure they aren't terrible when Zach Parise and Ryan Suter are old and overpaid.

And, finally, like Nashville, they don't really have a whole lot of ammo for the rental market. I think their best best is to offer up Niklas Backstrom (their backup goalie) and hope that another team's GM thinks they're stealing the actual Nicklas Backstrom from Washington.

Winnipeg Jets

Now that Dustin Byfuglien is locked up long-term, the obvious trade candidate here in Andrew Ladd. And oh boy is he a great rental candidate. At age 30, he's not too old. He's due around $2 million for the rest of this year, which is just a sliver of the salary cap. He has 13 goals and 17 assists this season, including his contributions on the power play.

Most importantly, though, he's won Stanley Cups in Carolina and Chicago.

If you're a team looking for a top-six winger for a deep playoff run, Ladd should be the guy at the top of your wish list.

Arizona Coyotes

It's an interesting time to be a Coyotes fan. They have a young core of Max Domi, Anthony Duclair, and Oliver Ekman-Larsson, and it seems like everyone else on the roster is either an expiring veteran or a young guy on a restricted contract.

Nobody that's currently above the age of 24 is on the books past 2018, and only Brad Richardson's $2.1 million is on the books for 2017-18.

The 'Yotes have had a lot of years of solid draft picks, and they're getting ready to make it to the NHL. As it stands, though, there are a bunch of guys that would qualify as rentals to expand that prospect pool. Mikkel Boedker is probably the best of the bunch, and I'm sure Arizona would love to flip him like they flipped Keith Yandle last year.

Captain Shane Doan will likely end his career after this season, and I get the sense he doesn't want to play in a different jersey. Defenseman (and Former Flyer) Nicklas Grossman should probably end his career after this season, though he wouldn't be worth much in a trade anyway.

Vancouver Canucks

I don't know what to say to Canucks fans. But, according to TSN's Bob McKenzie, Vancouver's GM is "adamant about seeing how the next week or two plays out."

You're dead! Shut up and be dead!

Radim Vrbata, Dan Hamhuis, and maybe even Matt Bartkowski could fetch picks or prospects before the deadline. Alex Burrows is expiring after next year, so they can ship him out as a rental a year from now.

As it stands, their two franchise cornerstones are aging and overpaid, and their best prospect was on the cover of the local newspaper as the reason Canada got sent home at the World Juniors.

Get a fucking grip, Vancouver. You're dead. Be dead, and be smart about it.

Calgary Flames

The Flames' under-25 group is a great one: Gaudreau, Hamilton, Brodie, Monahan, and Bennett should all fit nicely into their long-term plans. By the time those guys are all in the 25-28 range, they'll have another 2-4 years of prospects to play with them.

To add some extra juice to that prospect pool, the rental market over the next few years should be very friendly to the rebuilding Flames:

• 2016: Forwards David Jones (31) and Jiri Hudler (32) are both expiring $4 million contracts, as are 28-year old defensemen Kris Russell ($2.6 million) and Jakub Nakladal ($800k). None of those guys are going to light the world on fire, but they should be made available because any draft pick is better than losing them for nothing. 
• 2017: Forward Brandon Bollig (will be 30) will have his $1.25 million contract expiring, and he'll be joined by defensemen Dennis Wideman (33/$5.25 million), Ladislav Smid (31/$3.5 million), and Deryk Engelland (34/$2.9 million). 
• 2018: Just before Captain Johnny Gaudreau's age-25 season, the Flames will be able to put forwards Mikael Backlund, Matt Stajan, and Lance Bouma on the rental market. 

The Flames are in a good place. They have blueliners Mark Giordano, Dougie Hamilton, and TJ Brodie locked up until at least 2020, and their forward group should develop in a way that allows them to compete for at least a couple years with those three d-man in the lineup. 

Because none of their rental options are really impressive, the Flames may end up having to take back a bad contract to get the prospects or picks they want. But overall, the future is bright in Calgary. 

East Against West

The starting five of rentals available at the deadline in the East was:

Loui Eriksson - Eric Staal - Kris Versteeg/Sam Gagner

Jean-Michael Liles - Evgeny Medvedev

In the West, it seems to be:

Andrew Ladd - Paul Gaustad - Mikkel Boedker/Radim Vrbata

Dan Hamhuis - Matt Bartkowski/Kris Russell

Regardless of how you feel about the players involved, it's going to be a fun few weeks for Hurricanes, Jets, Canucks, and Flyers fans. 

Give Up, You're Dead, Sell At The Trade Deadline (Part I: East)

At this stage in the NHL season, there are a handful of teams that are very clearly bottoming out for draft picks. They know they aren't competing this year, but they have a long-term plan based on the draft and development.

There are also a number of teams that look like surefire Stanley Cup contenders, who will likely be looking to add a piece to push them over the top. As the February 29 trade deadline nears, teams will have to decide whether they are buying, selling, or standing pat.

Doing nothing is the dumbest fucking move of all time. You don't benefit your chances for this season, you don't benefit your chances in the future, and you don't get the chance to take advantage of a desperate GM.

You either have to go all-in and buy, or go all-in and sell.

A lot of teams this season don't seem to realize they're dead. The Bruins, Canadiens, Devils, Hurricanes, Blue Jackets, Flyers, Predators, Wild, Jets, Coyotes, Canucks, and Flames need to kill the dream of competing this year and sell off any assets they have that might be attractive to a team in the hunt.

(Note: I excluded the Sabres, Maple Leafs, and Oilers because they're all solidly in tank mode and I don't think any of their fans are confused about them being dead.)

(Another note: as usual, every number/fact/figure in this post comes from General Fanager dot com, which is a good website.)

Eastern Conference

Boston Bruins

They have expiring contracts in Loui Eriksson, Max Talbot, Chris Kelly, and Kevan Miller. Eriksson, undoubtedly, is the best trade bait. But Talbot or Kelly could fill a bottom-six hole on a team looking for a veteran presence, though the Bruins would likely have to retain some salary.

As for Miller, here's a text I got from Dag last night during Boston's 9-2 loss at home to the Kings: "Kevan Miller has let up three (3) goals tonight". I'm a pretty big analytics guy, and I am of the belief that things like that are bad.

Montreal Canadiens

After this train wreck of a season, they have two more years of Carey Price. Beyond that, the plan seems to be something along the lines of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You can win with an older goalie. Price, as good as he is, means the Habs are going to compete for two years (when he'll be 30). They should look to add some pieces around their core of Subban (now 26), Pacioretty (27), Gallagher (23), Galchenyuk (21), and Petry (28).

That leaves Tomas Plekanec (2 years and change, around $14 million left) and Andrei Markov (1 year and change, around $7 million left) as "players they'd like to dump but have more than one year left."

As for Montreal's available expiring contracts of older players, it's basically just Dale Weise, who is a useful piece but is probably due a raise this summer.

New Jersey Devils

It seems like the Devils' entire forward roster is expiring at the end of this season. Tuomo Ruutu, Lee Stempniak, Stephen Gionta, Jordin Tootoo, Tyler Kennedy, and Bobby Farnham are all probably too old to fit into the team's future plans. Are any of them worth anything? Probably not.

Patrik Elias is also expiring and may count as a solid veteran presence, but he's on the IR right now and he's almost 40. Maybe he fetches a mid-round pick?

Carolina Hurricanes

Should they rebuild or just retool? They need to answer that question and then either extend Eric Staal or trade him at the deadline and retain half his salary (he expires this summer).

Regardless of what happens with Staal, they have a couple other decent trade chips. Kris Versteeg is 29, he's cheap, and he has playoff experience. Nathan Gerbe and Riley Nash may also find a home with a contender before their contracts expire this summer, though they're worth considerably less than Versteeg.

John-Michael Liles is expiring, and he's a quality defensive defenseman if you know of any teams looking for someone like that.

Carolina has some decisions to make.

Carolina Blue Jackets

Overall, the majority of Columbus' roster is some combination of young, locked up long-term, and not good enough to trade. The big names - Hartnell, Foligno, Saad, Dubinsky, Atkinson, Johnson - all have 2 years left (most have more). They have a bunch of RFA's that are either going to keep making entry-level money or are due a big raise (looking at you, Seth Jones).

Really, the only aging/expiring player is winger Rene Bourque, who is 33 and has a $3.3 million AAV on his contract, plus a No Trade Clause.

Columbus is kind of fucked, no?

Philadelphia Flyers

And here's where it gets interesting. I wanted to take a look at the Flyers roster the same way I did with all these other teams. I'm going to factor out my fanhood, pretend I'm just a casual hockey fan, and try to judge Philly like I just judged everyone else.

Let's go bullets style:

• Sam Gagner is expiring after this year and will be Unrestricted - he should fetch something at the deadline, though he's playing well enough that I could also see Hextall re-signing him. It's similar to the Eric Staal situation in Carolina. Either extend him or trade him, but don't lose him for nothing. 
• Brayden Schenn is an RFA this summer, which poses an interesting situation for the front office: we can trade him before the deadline, we can re-sign him to a long-term deal before the season ends, we can re-sign him during the offseason, or we can let someone give him an offer sheet this year and he's fetch 1st and 3rd round picks for us. The issue with even including Brayden in this post is he's not really a deadline rental like everyone else I've mentioned. Moving on!
• Michael Raffl, like Gagner, will be Unrestricted after this year. He's cheap, he's a solid possession forward, and he could bring in a decent haul for a rental if he's not in the long-term plans. But that's a huge if, and it seems like he is, in fact, part of those plans. 
• Michael Raffl part two - what if we trade him for picks and then re-sign him this summer? That would be Peak Hextall. 
• Ryan White is cheap and expiring, but I doubt he's worth much (or anything).
• On defense, the big expiring older guy is Evgeny Medvedev, who's a capable puck mover and can generate offense from the point. At least as far as the Eastern half of the league goes, I don't see anyone on the trading block who can do what he does, and especially not someone who's expiring after this season with no long-term commitment. 

I'm going to look into the same situations out West tomorrow morning, but the cream of the crop on the trading block in the East seems to be Versteeg, Eriksson, and Staal (maybe) up front and Medvedev, Liles, and Markov on the blueline. I think each of those guys could contribute to a Cup-caliber team, and I'm excited to find out how they compare to the guys available in the other half of the league. 

The Senators Traded For Dion Phaneuf

Toronto Maple Leafs captain Dion Phaneuf seems like a relic from an old era of hockey. He makes $7 million per year to be a big, strong, bruising blueliner.

Those contracts for those players are going the way of the dinosaur. Today's NHL is all about speed, puck movement, and pretending to be injured so the other team gets penalized and/or ejected.

The "old" NHL's prototype defenseman was Phaneuf - a guy who can bully any player on the ice. Dion was paid handsomely when he signed his 7 year, $49 million deal.

The "new" NHL's prototype defenseman is someone more like Erik Karlsson, who might be the most important player to his team in the league. Karlsson, though very different from Phaneuf, has a similar contract - 7 years, $45.5 million.

We could sit here and talk until the cows come home about which style of player is more valuable in the modern NHL. But I'd rather talk about how those two guys now play on the same team.

TRADE: The #Sens acquire defenceman Dion Phaneuf from Toronto in nine-player trade

— Ottawa Senators (@Senators) February 9, 2016

 And, just like that, the Senators have committed $13.5 million to a pair of blueliners until 2019 (Karlsson) and 2021 (Phaneuf).

I got to thinking about how big a commitment that really is. The salary cap is a shade over $70 million, so the Sens will be committing almost 20% to just two players (if you're new to hockey, there are 23 players on the active roster).

That said, if you're going to load up on two players, a puck-moving defenseman and a bully-type defenseman are two fine pieces to have. Really, because defensemen generally play more minutes per game, I think it could make a lot of sense to commit a lot of cap space to the team's two best. Let's see how Karlsson and Phaneuf stack up against the rest of the league's D-pairs with the highest average annual value (all numbers from General Fanager):

Big-Spending Canadian Teams

Canadiens: $14.75 million (PK Subban $9 million, Andrei Markov $5.75 million)
Senators: $13.5 million (Dion Phaneuf $7 million, Erik Karlsson $6.5 million)
Jets Next Year: $13.35 million (Dustin Byfuglien $7.6 million, Toby Enstron $5.75 million)

It's really surprising to me that Phaneuf/Karlsson aren't the highest-paid defensive pairing, but Subban's mammoth contract gives them the number one spot on this list.

The Senators are the only team currently battling for a realistic playoff spot, and it's tough to pick Montreal or Winnipeg to leapfrog them this year. In making this list, the general trend was the more you spend on your top two defensemen, the more competitive you are. That was for sure not the case for these three Northern teams.

Spending A Lot To Compete For A Cup

Blues: $11.9 million (Alex Pietrangelo $6.5 million, Jay Bouwmeester $5.4 million)
Predators: $11.857 million (Shea Weber $7.857 million, Roman Josi $4 million)
Wild: $11.7 million (Ryan Suter $7.538 million, Jonas Brodin $4.167 million)
Islanders: $11.5 million (Johnny Boychuk $6 million, Nick Leddy $5.5 million)
Blackhawks $11.3 million (Brent Seabrook $5.8 million, Duncan Keith $5.5 million)
Capitals: $11.25 million (Matt Niskanen $5.75 million, Brooks Orpik $5.5 million)
Kings: $11.0 million (Drew Doughty $7 million, Jake Muzzin/Alec Martinez each $4 million)
Sharks: $10.61 million (Brent Burns $5.76 million, Paul Martin $4.85 million)

I split the "Not Cheap But Not Top Of The League" group into three pieces - the first is teams that planned on being in the hunt and are actually in the hunt.

There's an interesting split between Nashville/Minnesota/LA and the rest - some teams pay a superstar big money, others pay two solid players a little bit less. There doesn't really seem to be any rhyme or reason to which makes more sense.

Spending A Lot Because Our GM Stinks

Panthers: $11.475 million (Brian Campbell $7.142 million, Dmitriy Kulikov $4.333 million)
Jets This Year: $11.25 million (Toby Enstrom $5.75 million, Tyler Myers $5.5 million)
Rangers: $11.2 million (Marc Staal $5.7 million, Dan Girardi $5.5 million)(this makes me happy)
Flames: $11 million (Dougie Hamilton $5.75 million, Dennis Wideman $5.25 million)
Bruins: $10.9 million (Zdeno Chara $6.9 million, Dennis Seidenberg $4 million)
Penguins: $10.55 million (Kris Letang $7.25 million, Trevor Daley $3.3 million)
Lightning: $10.1 million (Matt Carle $5.5 million, Jason Garrison $4.6 million)

I don't actually think Florida's Dale Tallon or Tampa's Steve Yzerman stink. Their teams are in contention, their jobs are secure, they're fine.

But how the fuck do you spend a comboined $21.5 million on those four players? In Florida, they'll essentially hand Campbell's contract to Aaron Ekblad when Campbell retires. In Tampa, it's a little murkier. Right behind Carle and Garrison are Anton Stralman and Victor Hedman (who are better and younger) and Bradon Coburn (who's expiring this summer). That is a mess I would not want to have to sort out.

I have to think Rangers and Bruins fans are upset at how those four contracts have progressed over time. Those two situations are also messes I would not want to have to sort out.

And let's end this section with the Penguins, who having two aging superstars that fell into their laps but have been comically unable to surround them with enough talent to compete for the Cup every year. Could that be because they're paying Kris Letang like he's Drew Doughty instead of using some of that money to afford another competent defenseman?

Spending A Lot But I Don't Know What's Happening

Red Wings: $10.75 million (Mike Green $6 million, Nicklas Kronwall $4.75 million)
Hurricanes: $10.333 million (James Wisniewski $5.5 million, Justin Faulk $4.833 million)

Neither of these teams makes any sense to me. They're in the middle of the pack in the East, they may or may not be rebuilding, and they commit a boring amount of money to the players involved in this exercise. Let's just move on.

The God Damn Flyers
Flyers: $10.25 million (Mark Streit $5.25 million, Andrew MacDonald $5 million)

If the MacDonald contract wasn't on the books, the Flyers' number would be $9.125 million (with Michael Del Zotto's $3.875 million instead of MacDonald's $5 million). That would put them firmly in the bottom tier with the rest of the teams that stink.

As it stands, though, they currently look like an "Our GM Stinks" team for this exercise with a membership to the "Competing For A Cup" group on the horizon.

Cheap, Rebuilding, Or Spending Too Much on Forwards

Oilers: $10.0 million (Andrej Sekera $5.5 million, Nikita Nikitin $4.5 million)
Canucks: $9.5 million (Alex Edler $5 million, Dan Hamhuis $4.5 million
Devils: $9.167 million (Andy Green $5 million, Adam Larsson $4.167 million)
Sabres: $9.043 million (Zach Bogosian $5.143 million, Josh Gorges $3.9 million)
Blue Jackets: $8.857 million (Fedor Tyutin $4.5 million, Jack Johnson $4.357 million)
Stars: $8.85 million (Alex Goligolski $4.6 million, John Klingberg $4.25 million)
Ducks: $8.6 million (Kevin Bieksa $4.6 million, Cam Fowler $4 million)
Coyotes: $8.5 million (Oliver Ekman-Larsson $5.5 million, Nicklas Grossman $3 million)
Avalanche: $8.25 million (Francois Beauchemin $4.5 million, Erik Johnson $3.75 million)
Maple Leafs: $7.15 million (Jake Gardiner $4.05 million, Jared Cowan $3.1 million)

The Devils and Stars, especially, spend an absolutely comical amount on their forwards. It's a wonder they can even afford defensemen. The rest of the teams either have a bunch of contributors on rookie deals or are trying to bottom out for better draft picks.

The number one thing to take away from this is there are a lot of different ways to build a contender. You can do it with a balanced group of defensemen (like the Blues), or with one guy logging a ton of minutes (like the Senators before today), or you can overpay guys who stink and still someone compete (hey, Rangers).

On the flip side, there are a lot of ways to fuck your team up. You can overpay guys, or give them contracts that carry on for too long, or not spend enough money on one area of your roster. Building a hockey team is a tricky business, but we've never seen anything like what Ottawa created today. We'll have to wait to see how it plays out.