2016 Grammys Recap

I was not thrilled with out last night played out. If you recall, our bet slip was:

Album of the Year 1989 (-250)
Best New Artist James Bay (+200)
Record of the Year Blank Space (+600)
Record of the Year Can't Feel My Face (+600)
Song of the Year See You Again (+700)

Things That Were Good

• Chris Stapleton won his first Grammy! I love that guy
• Taylor Swift won album of the year for 1989
• Justin Bieber is fucking amazing, feel free to @ me
• Josh Groban is still alive

Things That Were Bad

• Every other bet we made lost
• James Bay lost Best New Artist to Meghan Trainor, who has been releasing music of her own since 2009 (I was still legally unable to drive past 9pm by myself at that point)
• Record of the year went to Bruno Mars for his blatant plagiarism of Trinidad James, which is a bad precedent to set for the future of music in my opinion
• Ellie Goulding's lip injection obviously ran into some sort of complications
• The Fast And The Furious was snubbed by yet another mainstream awards show, SMH
• Why couldn't the Adele microphone fuckup have happened to literally anyone else? Adele handled it so well. I would have much rather seen someone throw a fit on stage in front of millions of people
• I don't know how most people felt about Lady Gaga's tribute to David Bowie, but I hated it
• Who invited this fucking guy?

2016 Grammys Betting Preview

Every hipster's least favorite awards show of the year is on tonight - The Grammys. It's a night where we celebrate Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Meghan Trainor, and the rest of the people who have slowly ruined music over the past decade or so. Year after year of seeking a huge payday has left us with a bunch of rich artists and labels, and a whole lot of crappy songs on the radio.

So, we might as well make some money of our own right? Bovada has four props available:

Album of the Year

Nominees: Taylor Swift's 1989 (-250), Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp A Butterfly (+300), and then Alabama Shakes, The Weeknd, and Chris Stapleton are all pretty heavy underdogs

Recent winners:Beck's Morning Phase (2015), Daft Punk's Random Access Memories (2014), Mumford & Sons' Babel (2013), Adele's 21 (2012), Arcade Fire's The Suburbs (2011), Taylor Swift's Fearless (2010)

I love Taylor Swift, I know Dag loves Taylor Swift, and I just wish the line on 1989 paid more. Lock that in, and maybe mix it into a parlay.

Best New Artist

Nominees: Meghan Trainor (-125), James Bay (+200), Sam Hunt (+500), and then Courtney Barnett and Tori Kelly are pretty heavy underdogs

Recent winners: Sam Smith (2015), Macklemore (2014), Fun (2013), Bon Iver (2012), Esperanza Spalding (2011), Zac Brown Band (2010)

As you can see, to win Best New Artist you don't really have to be new and you definitely don't have to be the best. For reference, my picks for those six years would have been:

• 2015 - I have no complaints with Sam Smith
• 2014 - I'm pretty sure that even Macklemore thought Kendrick Lamar should win
• 2013 - Your options here were Fun, Alabama Shakes, Hunter Hayes, Frank Ocean, and the Lumineers. Am I allowed to pick nobody?
• 2012 - I'd go Skrillex just because of how revolutionary he was
• 2011 - How the FUCK did Esperanza Spalding win over Justin Bieber, Drake, Florence and the Machine, and Mumford & Sons? Holy Christ
• 2010 - Zac Brown was the right choice

I had never heard of James Bay until writing this post, but he almost kinda looks like Keira Knightley. I'm not sure if that's going to help him or hurt him here. Courtney Barnett and Tori Kelly are also total question marks for me, but their odds are so high that I'd be shocked if they won. 

That leaves us with Meghan Trainor (who I hate) and Sam Hunt (who a lot of people hate) to wager on. I think I'd stay away here, because I refuse to bet on Trainor and I don't think Sam Hunt will win for the same reason Skrillex didn't win; he has a unique sound that will likely end up changing quite a bit in the genre, but that doesn't get rewarded with a Grammy. 

You know, after writing that, I think I'm in on James Bay. He's got a decent payout at +200 and Wikipedia tells me he started playing guitar after he heard Eric Clapton's Layla. Why not, right? #cocaine

Record of the Year

Nominees: Bruno Mars' Uptown Funk (-500), Taylor Swift's Blank Space (+600), The Weeknd's Can't Feel My Face (+600), Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud (+1400), and then a D'Angelo song is +2500

Recent winners: Sam Smith's Stay With Me (2015), Daft Punk's Get Lucky (2014), Gotye's Somebody That I Used To Know (2013), Adele's Rolling In The Deep (2012), Lady Antebellum's Need You Now (2011), Kings Of Leon's Use Somebody (2010)

Two notes here: first, there's like a 50% chance the Record is coming from the Best New Artist in any given year. Except there's no pair that would work, so just go ahead and cancel that whole theory for this year. 

Second, the winner of the Record of the Year category is almost always a song that I think is good. This year, that means we can throw D'Angelo and Ed Sheeran in the trash. You can essentially get 3/1 odds by betting on both Blank Space and Can't Feel My Face, but that might be a waste of money. Out of all the lines Bovada has, Uptown Funk is far and away the most heavily favored. 

Song of the Year

Nominees: Taylor Swift's Blank Space (-150), Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud (+200), Wiz Khalifa's See You Again (+700), Kendrick Lamar's Alright (+900), and then a Little Big Town song is +2000

Recent winners: Sam Smith's Stay With Me (2015), Lorde's Royals (2014), Fun's We Are Young (2013), Adele's Rolling In The Deep (2012), Lady Antebellum's Need You Now (2011), Beyonce's Single Ladies (2010)

Am I crazy for thinking See You Again should be more heavily favored here? At +700, it's in the same range as songs that have almost no chance of winning in some other categories. But the story behind the song is a really emotional one, and it would be a very touching moment on stage. 

The Bet Slip

AotY 1989 (-250)

BNA James Bay (+200)

RotY Blank Space (+600)

RotY Can't Feel My Face (+600)

SotY See You Again (+700)

The Grammys Nominees Were Announced

I am no longer a "music guy." In college I took advantage of not having anything to do ever and I stayed up with new music. One time a girl I liked even asked me to make her a gym playlist (nbd but hbd, I know).

Nowadays, I'm too fucking old. No joke when Trap Queen was just starting to gain popularity, my younger brother made me feel like a goddamn baby boomer for not having heard it. Now I have sacks of escarole all over my house, but I still wouldn't say I'm good with new music.

And so with that in mind, obviously there's nobody better than me to dig through the Grammy nominees and tell you who I think should win.

Record Of The Year - Uptown Funk
The other big ones in this category are Blank Space, Can't Feel My Face, and Thinking Out Loud. But my upstairs neighbor always plays TOL on his shitty acoustic guitar and Blank Space is like the third best song on that album. So the nod goes to Bruno Mars, who (1) is one of the best SNL guests in modern times and (2) sampled Trinidad James and turned it into one of the biggest songs of the year.

Album Of The Year - 1989
With no disrespect to The Weeknd (and slight disrespect to Alabama Shakes and Chris Stapleton), this is a two horse race. Taylor and Kendrick had the two biggest albums of the year except for maybe Megan Trainor, but she sucks. Ultimately I think 1989's mainstream appeal will edge out To Pimp A Butterfly, which is probably more deserving (according to people who think they're too good for Taylor - and those people are #wrong).

Best Dance Recording - Where Are (Umlaut) Now?
Sonny and Thomas and Justin should run away with this category, although I personally would have chosen What Do You Mean? as my top "dance" song from Purpose, but the Skrillex/Diplo credits make this a real stone lock for the category. Runaway (U & I) is also a jam, but not quite the size of the Biebs.

Best Rock Song - Exes and Ohs
I LOVE this song. I want to shout it from a mountaintop, but I don't have a mountaintop. I have a blog post. Generally this category is just "Best Song The Foo Fighters Released This Year"but I'd love to see Elle King steal one.

Best Rap Performance
In probably the biggest battle we'll see all night, this category pits Back To Back, Trap Queen, and Truffle Butter against each other. The best diss track of the last 20 years, the song of the summer, and the most played song that references a heinous sex act (all unofficial stats). I don't want to make a pick now, instead I'll wait for Bovada to set the odds and then tell everyone I know about those odds until the Grammys air on February 15th.

Best Latin Pop Album - A Quien Quiera Escuchar (To Those Who Want To Listen)
It's Ricky Martin, so duh. And bonus points for the title, because of course everyone on the planet Wants To Listen.

Best Music Video - Bad Blood
This should be the biggest slam dunk of the whole night. Say whatever you want about Taylor Swift, she took this song and remixed it with Kendrick, then featured Cindy Crawford, Meredith Grey, Mariska Hargitay, Jessica Alba, Cara Delevigne, Gigi Hadid, and Ellie Goulding (among others) in the video. It's like the chick version of every Entourage season.