Thursday, June 2, 2016

Let's Fix MTV's The Challenge

Following last night's episode of The Challenge (and, really, the majority of the first five episodes this season), it's clear that we need to fix something with our favorite reality TV show.

A competition that once relied on displays of brute force and steroids has turned into a bunch of girls acting like your girlfriend when she's too drunk and starts fights for no reason.

Barstool's The Challenge podcast that was taped after last night's episode laid out some ways for MTV to fix things:
Step 1: The Format Of The Next Season

Real World vs. Are You The One is the easy choice. It's been laid out already this season via several fights (on the show and on Twitter), and there's no reason to not grab this low-hanging fruit.

There is a team made up of people who initially came into the mix via The Real World, and another team made up of people from the first four seasons of Are You The One. Rivals III, like the seasons before it, has 14 guys and 14 girls competing. That means we need 7 guys and 7 girls from each feeder show.

Each episode of our new Challenge, there is a team challenge to decide who is going into elimination. As per Challenge guidelines, we will alternate weekly between male and female eliminations. The losing team has to vote in one of its members to face off in The Jungle/The Desert/The Dungeon/Whatever, and the winning team will vote in another member from the losing team. Whoever loses goes home, and whoever wins returns to their team.

At some point, like every Survivor season ever, we'll have to combine the teams and/or turn it into a single-player competition. We'll figure that out later; let's keep it big picture for now.

Step 2: The Real World Pre-Show Web Series

I'm not going to take any sort of credit for this at all because it's taken word-for-word from Jack in the podcast above.

We're going to follow Johnny Bananas around the country as he recruits 13 of America's favorite challenge competitors to build a super team of meatheads and drunk girls.

Off the top of my head, if I had to pick 7 guys I would go with Bananas, CT, Wes, Kenny, Jordan, Johnny Reilly, and Tony. Feel free to disagree with any of them, but those seven are the correct answer.

Step 3: The Are You The One Team

This is where I can actively contribute to the discussion. I've watched the first three season of AYTO, and I will be watching the fourth when it premieres on Monday June 13th.

There are dozens of guys to choose from to fill out the 7-man Real World roster, but through three seasons we have a pretty limited pool for Team AYTO. The big issue is the lack of meatheads - instead of the classic roided-up guys from the old Challenges, we get goddamn millennials like Nate and Devin.

Here's who I'd consider for a good throwback Challenge competition:

Season One
  • Adam - You might remember him from The Challenge: Battle Of The Exes II, when he and Brittany made some noise as rookies. He's big and athletic enough to handle his own, and his already-created semi-romance with Brittany can fill up an episode of drama for the producers. For what it's worth, even though I'm not putting together any of the girls for this show, Brittany would 100% make my team. 
If I remember correctly, Adam & Brittany won a date here and then fought the whole time

Season Two
  • Anthony - Sorry to add a new face into the mix, but Anthony was enjoyable to watch on AYTO. He also shows signs of being the guy that gets angry and that's always a good contribution to any Challenge. 
  • Dario - Everyone's favorite meathead-but-not-really-a-meathead twin is obviously getting the invite. 
  • Garland - I'm not a racist, we need at least one brother on this team. 
  • Layton - I really have no idea why they didn't pay Layton whatever he wanted to be on Rivals with either Anthony or Dario. There was one episode where I legitimately thought the producers were going to need restraints to keep him from committing a murder. Layton is a huge dude, played baseball at Ole Miss, and is the only AYTO cast member that I wouldn't hesitate to put head-to-head against The Old Heads of The Challenge. 
Everyone say hello to Layton (and Anthony, who's getting berated)
Season Three
  • Connor - He's like half a step below Layton, but only because he is a much more relaxed person. I can't remember him ever snapping or going into a fit of rage, but all the physical tools are there (by that I mean he's huge and he lifts weights). 
  • Hunter - The token good old southern boy who grew up on a farm throwing bales of hay into his truck. He might be a little too nice for the Challenge, and he's definitely going to get his mind turned into a pretzel by Wes and Bananas. 
  • Mike - The big issue with including Mike is you know the producers would find a way to include Amanda on this RW-AYTO season. They were together throughout their season of AYTO, and she got under his skin so much that he did what everyone who watches her wants to do and pushed her on her ass. Amanda, of course, immediately went from Aggressor Mode to Victim Mode and ruined Mike's whole day. I can't imagine Mike would say yes if he knew Amanda was going to be around, which is sad because he's probably a solid competitor. 
  • Kiki - I know I said we weren't doing girls, but I need more Kiki on my television. 
Season Four

This is obviously a little tough to predict because we haven't actually seen anything with these people yet but here's who I think might fall into our Challenge pool based on their bios on
  • Asaf - I think he's a cologne model because the dude is (1) shredded (2) from Israel and (3) wearing a bathing suit that is smaller than any underwear that I own. 
  • Cam - They describe him as a 6'8" cowboy, but I'm not sold on him having the edge we're looking for to Make The Challenge Great Again. 
  • John (or John Connor, or JCH) - The first seven words of his bio are "A true alpha male to the core" and they describe him and "tough and intense." That should work. 
  • Sam - Flowing blonde hair on a former college football player is a welcome addition to any team of any kind. Sam is also #TeamPonytail which is pretty cool in my opinion. 
Step 4: The Challenge Season 29: RW vs. AYTO

And now, everything is fixed.

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