Monday, June 13, 2016

I Need To Vent About Last Night's Game Of Thrones

I don't blog about it as much as I do the Flyers (or other sports- and betting-related things), but Game of Thrones is one of my favorite things in the world. I consume a TON of #content online during the week, and I pride myself on being pretty knowledgeable about most fan theories.

And I have to say I was really disappointed by the events (or lack thereof) of last night's eighth episode of season six, "No One."

The Clegane Brothers

It started off so hot. There were rumbling of a possible Clegane-versus-Clegane showdown in Cersei Lannister's trial by combat. They re-introduced the Hound and gave him a reasonable plot path to return to King's Landing and fight for the faith. They showed Sandor (via axe) and Gregor (with his hands) really brutalize some fools.

The Hype train, as the internet calls it, was full steam ahead for #Cleganebowl.

And then, King Tommen The Bitchass ruined it. He banned trials by combat, basically sentencing his mother and brother-in-law to death. I don't care about Cersei and Loras dying, but it means Cleganebowl is off the table until Margaery shows him her boobs and tells him to fix this.

Arya Stark

I just want to reiterate what happened to Arya in the past two episodes. She got slashed once and stabbed six times in the abdomen, fell off a bridge, wandered the streets with her guts leaking out of her, and drank the GOT version of morphine. And then this hurt/injured, doped-up twelve year old is capable of running through the streets and KILLING A HIGHLY-TRAINED ASSASSIN.

There was no twist about the abdomen wounds. There was no twist involving Jaqen H'ghar. There was no reveal of anything Arya had learned. She just miraculously became a better fighter than someone who has been beating the shit out of her every episode for like a year.

It makes no sense, and in an episode featuring a goddamn dragon, this was the most ridiculous and unbelievable storyline.

Lady Stoneheart

If you just watch the show and don't read the books or the theories online, you can skip this part.

I'm less mad about this than the Cleganebowl and Arya sections because I think there's a pretty good chance we'll finally see LSH as the Hound/Brotherhood story develops. But how badass would it have been to end the episode with Arya announcing her plan to return home followed by LSH hanging those Brotherhood scumbags? Roll credits, and then show us the preview of the other half of the Stark family in battle next week.

Aegon VI Targaryen

I'm not mad about this at all (but I will be if it doesn't end up happening). Like Lady Stoneheart, Aegon6 is featured in the books but hasn't made an appearance - or even been mentioned - in the show.

Introducing another Targaryen would serve two purposes: (1) book readers will go nuts (2) it gives Dany a reason to finally get her shit together and go to Westeros.

My theory kind of developed out of thin air last night, but it's based on four things:

  • Most sports books have Aegon6 as the third favorite to sit on the Iron Throne at the end of the series, behind only Dany and Jon Snow
  • The showrunners are making a habit of indulging fan theories this season
  • Varys is leaving to go on a secret mission somewhere
  • Qyburn investigated a rumor for Cersei and found it to be "much more" than a rumor
Now, the Qyburn thing is probably The Mad King's stores of Wildfire throughout the city. But, like the Brotherhood making an appearance opens the door for Lady Stoneheart, this Varys quest opens the door for the show to finally introduce Aegon. It probably won't be until episode ten (because episode nine will likely be a full-episode battle), but here's hoping we get left with a new Targaryen as the season-ending cliffhanger. 

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