So maybe the people who professionally make reality TV for a living are better at making reality TV than I am. I can admit that.
However, the third step in my plan was putting together an Are You The One team to compete. I had already watched the first three seasons at that point, so I threw about a dozen names into the potential pool. But season four hadn't aired at all yet, so I had to make some educated guesses (based just strictly on pictures and one-sentence bios).
Let's see how I did:
Asaf
I think he's a cologne model because the dude is (1) shredded (2) from Israel and (3) wearing a bathing suit that is smaller than any underwear that I own.
The short bathing suit (and his entire fashion sense in general) was very exotic because Asaf is from Israel. He's also from California. I don't really know.
But what I do know is he'd be great on The Challenge because he's in great shape, he loves to fuck everything that moves, and he barely speaks English. Those three things, especially when combined into one person, are always a recipe for entertainment on The Challenge.
Cam
I think I nailed this one. Cam is huge, but he's really a soft individual and I can't see him having the sort of aggressiveness that guys need to really compete in The Challenge. But you can't teach size, and a huge tatted farm boy has a leg up on a lot of the "men" that come through AYTO.
John
The first seven words of his bio are "A true alpha male to the core" and they describe him and "tough and intense." That should work.
Johnny is the PERFECT Challenge competitor. He's huge, he drinks too much, and he could conceivable be Rivals or Exes with like half the people from this season of AYTO.
My Mount Rushmore of favorite John moments:
- The night he had to get restrained and then stormed out of the house saying "I'm sick of people telling me how I'm supposed to feel!"
- The two days he spent leading Emma on even though "his heart" told him he wanted the smoking hot chick with fake boobs.
- The night he told Victoria (his Perfect Match) that she turned into a fat whale sometime around week four.
- Fifteen minutes after that last conversation, when he and Victoria violently made out on the kitchen counter.
Sam
This was the closest I cam to whiffing in my initial predictions. The physical traits are all there for Sam, but I think he's too goddamn nice to be in a competitive situation like The Challenge. Then again, he's a college football player so he's obviously got some sort of competitive side.
I feel like the Challenge house would use his sensitive side against him. It almost reminds me of Dustin The Gay Porn Star - although this is obviously on a MUCH smaller scale. You know what? Forget I even mentioned Dustin.
And The Other Guys
- Cameron (the other one, who was in the honeymoon suite for the whole show) is big question mark for me. I don't remember anything he ever did. He probably won't make an appearance because he didn't have a lot of time to really do anything noteworthy.
- Gio will probably weasel his way onto at least one season of The Challenge, and the night that Johnny Bananas puts him in a casket will be a real celebratory occasion for me. Fuck Gio.
- Morgan, as it turns out, is AYTO alum Mike Crescenzo's roommate. Mike is now currently dating Tori, who was Morgan's perfect match. Shit is weird sometimes with these people, man. Morgan is muscular, but I'm not convinced that it's not just popcorn muscles. I'd love to see him and Tori both find their way onto a season of The Challenge, and if Mike joins them then even better.
- Prosper - was it racist of me to leave him off the preview post? He's an enormous dude, he has a sensitive/romantic side, and he just about threw Gio through the glass window one night. I'd expect him to do whatever it takes to get out of Albany for another couple of months. Maybe he can be Gio's Rival?
- Stephen From Delco brought some Philly trash flair to this season (I say that lovingly, obviously). He comes off as kind of an asshole initially because of his tattoos and his Delco attitude, but as the season went on he became more of an emotional boyfriend type. He's not super muscular and he didn't seem to be super cunning, but anytime we can get some Philadelphia blood in The Challenge I'm all for it.
- Ty was possibly the worst cast member to ever appear on Are You The One, ever.
The Challenge: Real World vs. Are You The One
We have 7 guys and 7 girls on each team. Here's who I'm lining up on the AYTO side:
- Adam. Challenge veteran, probably still not employed full-time so most likely available.
- Dario. Another vet, with more experience than any other AYTO member.
- Layton. How he hasn't been on yet is a mystery to me. He's huge and he's angry.
- Mike. As mentioned above.
- Morgan. As mentioned above.
- Asaf. He's the best, he really is.
- John. This man was tailor made for Challenges.
Let's do this, MTV.
