Well Last Night Was Pretty Shitty

Guys, we got sucked into it again. Twenty minutes of good preseason football against a Packers team without a bunch of its core and we thought the Birds were going 19-0. The Super Bowl was in our sights. Sam Bradford was going to be the MVP and the comeback player of the year.

And most importantly, we were going to get rich off of week one player props. To the scoreboard:

Eagles -3 (Loss) 
Eagles Team Total Over 28.5 (Loss)
Sam Bradford Over 2 Touchdowns Passes (Loss)
These three go hand in hand (in hand?), and there is quite a bit of blame to dish out. Most of it has to go to Chip, who spent like nine figures on running backs this summer and gave them a total of sixteen carries combined.

That said, the passing attack looks good in the box score if you just look at the receivers. There was a lot of yardage to go around and that piece of the puzzle largely looked solid in the second half. But Bradford just absolutely can NOT throw that second pick on the final drive. We were expecting him to be our savior, an elite quarterback rescued from a dumpster fire in the Midwest. But that last drive (and the whole first half, and the lone touchdown for the night) was decidedly not elite.

DeMarco Murray Rushing Yards Over 82.5 (Loss)

DeMarco finished with eight carries for nine yards. Nailed it!

Nelson Agholor To Score A Touchdown (Loss)

Nelson finished with one garbage time catch for five yards. Nailed that one too!

Either Team To Score A Special Teams Or Defensive TD (Loss)

The Eagles did not return a kick all night, and Sproles' longest punt return was just 15 yards. The Falcons averaged 20 yards on their kick returns and 9 yards on their punt returns. I defend the logic of this bet, because Chip has had success in the special teams game in the past. 

Bradford Over 275.5 Passing Yards (Win)

Matt Ryan To Throw An Interception (Win)

Falcons Team Total Under 27 (Win)

Hey, we got a few right!

Either Team To Score 3 Unanswered Times 

In my analysis, I wrote "If you look at the fourth quarter box score tomorrow, you will see why this was a Yes. Eagles 21-0 in the fourth quarter." Neither team scored 3 unanswered times, but the Eagles did win the fourth quarter (7-6). So we will call this one a win and end on a high note.

Eagles-Falcons MNF Betting Guide

We've already talked about how Eagles -3 tonight is the lock of the week. It's a disrespectful line and it looks like it was set by somebody who doesn't have a clue how good the Birds looked all preseason. We also talked about how Eagles -10.5 seems like it should be the regular spread, but somehow it pays out more than 2/1. More free money.

But when you get into the player props for tonight, there's so much free money laying around that it's almost laughable.

Eagles Team Total Over 28.5 (-135) - Easy over. They might clear that by halftime.

Falcons Team Total Under 27 (-115) - Frankly I'd be surprised if the Falcons scored more than two touchdowns.

Will Either Team Score 3 Unanswered Times? Yes (-200) - If you look at the fourth quarter box score tomorrow, you will see why this was a Yes. Eagles 21-0 in the fourth quarter.

Nelson Agholor to Score a Touchdown (+150) - Rookie of the year campaign has to start somewhere.

Sam Bradford Passing Yards Over 275.5 (-125) - I guess this would be a good time to mention that all of these predictions hinge on Bradford not getting put on the back of a golf cart with his legs bent in opposite directions.

Sam Bradford Touchdown Passes Over 2 (-140) - If he doesn't go over then I have no hope in FanDuel this week. If he doesn't at least push then I will eat my own shorts.

Matt Ryan To Throw an Interception (-180) - The payout is pretty shitty, but it's always a ton of fun to yell "THROW A PICK YOU PIECE OF SHIT" and really, truly mean it.

DeMarco Murray Rushing Yards Over 82.5 (-125) - There were three games last year when DeMarco didn't go over 82 yards. One of them was against Philly. And before you even think about saying something about the Cowboys' offensive line last year, they just beastmoded their rushing attack to 81 yards against a defense anchored by a guy with one arm.

(Quick note: the Falcons do not have a running back listed for "rushing props")

Either Team To Score a Special Teams of Defensive TD (+150) - I am including this to cap the ticket because it seems like too much value. In a game where the over/under is set to put each team in the 20-30 points range, it feels like at least some of that has to come from Darren Sproles returning a punt for a touchdown.

ESPN Poll Question Rundown

If you remember the podcast days (we're working on bringing it back to life - but we'll see) then you remember that my go-to move was just to go through the ESPN.com poll questions and make fun of how the votes broke down state by state.

Well guess what? I'm doing the same thing here, but in blog form so you can see the maps for yourself when they are relevant. (Quick note: there were 18 today so I'm skipping a bunch. Ain't nobody got time for that.)

1. How do you feel about the Yankees' decision to play Alex Rodriguez during his suspension? (OK with it/Not OK with it)
This is a pretty hard "Not OK with it" for me. The MLB supposedly has "a mountain of evidence" against him, so he's going to lose the appeal eventually. Do you really want him representing your team any more than he already has? As a Phillies fan, I can't say I'd want him on the field if he were a Phil - but that's kind of how I've felt for the past four or five years.

4. Tony Stewart broke his leg competing in a sprint car race. What do you make of drivers racing in extracurricular events? (Good way to keep sharp/Too much risk for injury)
Does Tony Stewart not normally race in sprint car events..?

6. If you were/are a Jets fan, would you listen to Rex Ryan's pleas to stop booing/jeering Mark Sanchez? (Yes/No)
Quick: what's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Mark Sanchez?

I'd boo the shit out of him. Let's see what NY/NJ says:

The lesson: everyone hates you, Mark Sanchez

7. The NFL wants to penalize players who taunt opponents by spinning the ball. What do you make of the NFL's rules on celebrations? (Too harsh/Just right/Too lenient)
Let me start out by saying that anybody who thinks the NFL's policy on taunting is "too lenient"(6% of people who voted) is a "fucking dickhead." I miss the Owens/Johnson/Moss/Horn days of wide receiver celebrations. Gronk spikes. Flips. Salutes. Dancing. That's what makes football great. "Hey I just scored on you so for the next ten seconds you can suck me."

Anybody know what the policy is in the Arena League?

10. Kansas coach Bill Self said that the NBA would tempt him were an opportunity available. Would Self succeed as an NBA coach? (Yes/No)
I said no and the nationwide response was split 50/50, but the more I think about it my actual response would be "in the right situation, yes." From what I gather, he's an awesome teacher and he's really good at coaching college-age kids. Kansas is a fairly legendary program, but I'm sure that Self being the coach helps attract high-quality talent like Ben McLemore, Thomas Robinson, and the Morris twins.

You know what? I'm all in on Self in the NBA. Give him a young team that needs to grow together quickly. Sixers! Where you at!

11. Who will win the PGA Championship? (Tiger/The field)
It's the field. Don't be foolish.

12. What do you make of the Patriots and Eagles holding a joint preseason practice? (Good idea/Bad idea)
Racism! Murder! Dog fighting! Spying on opponents! Tonight on Smackdown!

In all seriousness, they're playing each other in Philly for the first preseason game so it probably makes sense logistically. I'm surprised either of these coaches would agree to it, though. Chip Kelly's system is supposed to change the game and we all know how hypocritically private Bill Belichick is. Maybe this is a sign that they've tempered their expectations for success and are buying into the NFL community more than team success.

Nah, it's about money. Definitely about money.

13. Would you want your team to draft Johnny Manziel in the first round? (Yes/No)
For me, it's a resounding yes. For America, it's a resounding no. 81% no and not a single state said otherwise. Texas, Philly, and New Jersey were slightly higher than the nation (looking good, Mike Vick and Mark Sanchez!) but nobody went any higher than 26%. I guess the "first round" bit is what's doing it - and that makes sense. But from a business perspective, he's worth more than a first round pick; he's bigger than the game. I have this fantasy that the NCAA suspends him (for making $7500 selling his own autograph) and he joins the Arena League and turns the Philadelphia Soul into Philly's fifth-biggest team (To the Union.. Gareth Bale is available if you want).

Side note: check out Jay Bilas' twitter rant from today. He really has a point - the NCAA needs to get its shit together on the issue of paying its star athletes.

That'll do it for today. I'm off to try to raise $170 million to bring Gareth to Philly.