Monday, February 27, 2012

Bullets Blog Academy Awards Recap

For those of you that played along at home, I hope you followed the "You Have To Pick Either The Artist Or Hugo" rule - it would have made for a really fun matchup. Unfortunately, there was some confusion when Toph and I drafted and I ended up with both films, and he never really stood a chance. They combined for eight Oscars. Here's how it played out:

Team Jay
The Winners: Hugo (5), The Artist (3), Christopher Plummer (1)
I would have picked Hugo to win the most awards, but they ran away with it and won just about everything. And really, The Artist was likely the second-place candidate in most of those categories so I was really going into the night with seven wins on lock. I was happy to see Plummer finally win, and I don't even mind the nature of the role that he played. But I thought it was funny that the person in charge of playing the music to kick the winners off stage steadfastly refused to do it to Plummer.

The Losers: Rise of the Planet of the Apes, The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom, Paradise Lost 3, Footnote, Max von Sydow, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Woody Allen
I'll say this: I knew that Footnote, von Sydow, Mara, and Allen were all extremely longshots to win. But I really thought I had picked Apes, Tsunami, and Paradise right. Especially the Apes. I mean really, how did that not win for best visual effects? It's outrageous. And also, I had been referring to Tsunami as "The Tsunami and the Cherry Tree" so sorry to Japan for that one.

Team Toph
The Winners: The Descendants (1), Midnight in Paris, Rango (1), A Separation (1), Jean Dujardin (1), Meryl Streep (1), Octavia Spencer (1)
There's definitely a sports metaphor for the way Toph picked up his six points, with no one member of his team shouldering a majority of the load. I don't know what it is, but it's out there. He drafted really well, what can I say? I mean after the first round, at least. Also, what's the deal with Meryl Streep? I've never, to my knowledge, seen a movie with her in it and she's supposedly the best actress ever or something like that. Finally, why the shit was Tintin not nominated for best animated film?

The Losers: Pina, Incident in New Baghdad, George Clooney
I know Toph is fine with having Clooney on his team despite the loss - he loves the guy. Also, did you see his date? Potentially the hottest girl alive:
Oh shit, that was Stacy Kiebler? Man, she's really aging well. The hottest chick there last night, hands down.

One More Thing
I ranked the Best Motion Candidates on how much I want to see them - because to be honest I have not seen a single one.

  1. Hugo: How can I not? This movie won it for me, and it looks cool. 
  2. Midnight in Paris: A very close second. It looks like a cute movie (pause) and I like Owen Wilson (pause). 
  3. The Tree of Life: It's supposedly incredibly confusing, and I think I'd like the opportunity to try to wrap my mind around the concept - whatever the concept of this movie turns out to be. 
  4. The Descendants: The premise of this movie seems intriguing, but I prefer Ocean's Eleven Clooney over torn, emotional Clooney. 
  5.  Moneyball: Everyone knows what happens, and it would really have to have an astounding plot to overcome that fact (looking at you, Titanic). And the plot is a bunch of baseball nerds creating the statistics that nerdy fantasy baseball nerds use. 
  6. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close: Don't get me wrong, I love America. But it seems like this movie is trying to profit off of American pride by setting a movie in the environment of the 9/11 attacks by focusing on the tragedy in the commercials - I get the feeling the plot does not actually revolve around that at all. But hey, I could be wrong. 
  7. The Help: I'm sure it's an awesomely motivating, powerful movie. I just don't particularly care. 
  8. War Horse: This would be last, but...
  9. The Artist: Never in my life do I want to see a movie that has no dialogue and is also in black and white. I'm pissed that this won because I really don't want to have to see ads for a bunch of similar movies next year. 

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