Here's the deal: Game of Thrones is awesome. If you don't watch it, I legitimately feel bad for you. Stop reading this post (nothing will make sense anyway) and go find a friend with HBOGo.
For those of you who are already down with the least-nerdy still-really-nerdy show on television, you might have noticed that I've started a new Sunday night tradition: power rankings. They are totally arbitrary and liable to change drastically every week, but that happens to sports anyways.
Note 1: I have not read the books so I don't know anything beyond what we have seen on TV.
Note 2: Follow me @jaylike
Here are my rankings from last night with more on why each character got put where they did. (Note 3: 140 characters. Remember that.)
I know a lot of people don't like him because he's a major antagonist or whatever. But he's just so powerful. He doesn't ask people what to do - he tells them. And he's always right, which is why his family is so rich and powerful. Tywin Lannister just gets it.
Jury is still out as to whether or not Dany gets it. It seems like her radical tactics could wind up blowing up in her face. But the last scene from 3.4 (you know the scene) was awesome enough to keep her near the top probably forever. Completely different leadership style from Tywin. It's a bold strategy, let's see if it pays off.
3. Eye patch guy
Bro has died six times. Does anyone else feel like he could do a lot more than live on the fringe of civilization with a ragtag band of degenerates?
4. Jon Snow
They started the week at number one (after they FINALLY banged) and gradually got topped by actual plot developments. But I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't jealous of their potential life in the cave/hot spring. Also, note that Jon Snow is ranked higher than the redhead. Because he gets it.
6. Grandma Tyrell
Kind of a lame pick (and unfortunately placed right after the nudity) but she's so awesome that I couldn't leave her out. She understands "the game" and she's as good as anyone at manipulation and flattery. Plus she has two awesome grandkids (even though Flowers is... well... you know... easily manipulated) and there's a lot of potential for some Maggie-Smith-in-Downton-Abbey quotability that comes with the territory of an old, powerful, rich matriarch.
He probably doesn't belong here but we're past the highly-ranked characters and into the "Only Ranked For One Small Reason And I Understand That I Left Out Some Characters Who Are Probably More Deserving" category. I thought it was very noble of Robb to cut the guy's head off after he delivered the sentence. I also liked that a flirty conversation with his smoke nurse wife led him to think of how to take down the Lannisters (maybe). These are my power rankings and I can include whoever I want!
86532. Stannis' whole plotline
I hate it. I with I had more than 140 characters so I could throw a few more digits in there. I just don't care about Stannis. Even now that The Lord of Light can bring people back to life, I just don't feel like Stannis can ever be king. So I've given up on him and every time he's on the screen I feel like my time is being wasted. His wife is weird, his mistress/priestess is weird, and his daughter is a normal daughter. Kind of. I don't really know what's up with her face. Is she part reptile? Oh my god is she a dragon? That would be the only thing to get me back on board with the Stannis movement. Because for now, he means nothing to me.
So there you have it - the first in-depth Game of Thrones power rankings. Let me know what you think, I tweet under the alias @jaylike.