Monday, July 9, 2012

Jay's ESPYs Ballot

You guys know how much Chris and I love awards shows. Mostly because we always make fantasy contests out of them. For the ESPYs (probably my favorite of the awards shows), we’re not doing any fantasy shenanigans: we’re just filling out ballots and whoever gets the most right wins. If it comes to a tiebreaker, we’ll think of that later. To the picks!
Best Male Athlete – LeBron James
I don’t know who selects the winners. If it’s not fans, LeBron wins this by a million miles. If it is fans, LeBron wins this by a hundred miles. Djokovic, Rodgers, and Verlander are all good and shit, but come on. LeBron is the best athlete alive.

Best Female Athlete – Maria Sharapova
Not voting for Brittney Griner.

Best Championship Performance – LeBron James
Fuck David Freese. Tony Stewart drives a car. Johnny Quick didn’t play that well in the actual Stanley Cup Finals. Eli Manning has a stupid face. Ergo, LeBron wins.

Best Breakthrough Athlete – Jeremy Lin
I think Lin wins this (over Rob Gronkowski) because ESPN doesn’t trust Gronk to be on stage with a microphone in front of him. Lin, in that regard, is the much safer pick – and that may turn out to be the tiebreaker. And know that I really wanted to vote for Alex Morgan.

Best Record-Breaking Performance – Mariano Rivera
It’s awesome that Drew Brees broke the record for passing yards in the stupidest sport on earth, but he will be eclipsed because that’s the direction the league is headed. Rivera’s saves record won’t be touched. Ever.

Best Game – 49ers vs. Saints (NFL Playoffs)
This was the “kill his head!” game, right?

Best Moment – Bubba Watson (The Masters)
I’m kind of biased here because I was balls deep in fantasy golf when this happened and the approach shot to clinch it was beyond amazing. I think Tebow is going to win. I think Chris is going to pick Tebow. Bubba should win. His donning of the green jacket was the best moment.

Best Coach/Manager – John Calipari
I have a unique perspective on college basketball coaches. Being a Villanova Wildcat, I understand that a good coach will succeed in three major areas: recruiting, teaching, and coaching. Jay Wright is good at the first one, less good at the second, and absolutely poor at the third. Calipari is great across the board, and his coaching talent will keep him in this category until he hangs up his clipboard.

Best Comeback Athlete – Johan Santana
I want to make two points. First, fuck Sidney Crosby I hope he dies. Second, if coming back from being old and washed up to throwing the first perfect game in franchise history isn’t the best comeback of the year then I don’t know.

Best Male College Athlete – Anthony Davis
This shouldn’t be close. Complete player on offense. Complete player on defense. Trademarked facial hair. Number one draft pick.

Best Female College Athlete – Brittney Griner
Ugh. I guess I have to pick her because I don’t even know who the other chicks are.

Best NFL Player – Aaron Rodgers
Yeah! Football!

Best MLB Player – Josh Hamilton
I think his chances of winning are boosted by his generally positive public opinion. Plus Kemp got hurt, Verlander has been so-so (9-5 record), Braun is on steroids, and Clayton Kershaw’s name is Clayton.

Best NHL Player – Jonathan Quick
This comes back to the whole “who decides” thing. If it’s fans, Quick wins by a mile. If it’s writers/people who know anything about anything, it’s a lot closer. Malkin was the MVP. Lundqvist was the best goalie all season. Stamkos was relatively a bum. Giroux… well I like him. And I don’t want to vote for Malkin. So I’m giving my ballot to Skrillex’s younger brother.

Best NBA Player – LeBron James
Why is Ricky Rubio not an option?

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