I doubt we'll ever do a fantasy ESPYs again. It was fucking stupid. When average people are allowed to make decisions, stupid shit happens. For example, they should have just had one award named Favorite Sport so football could have won and then it would have been over with and we wouldn't have to listen to Rib Riggle try his hand at regular comedy. Anyways, here's the results:
Best Male Athlete - LeBron James (Chris 1:1 Jason)
Best Female Athlete - Brittney Griner (Chris 1:1 Jason)
We both gave it to Sharapova because she's hot.
Best Championship Performance - LeBron James (Chris 2:2 Jason)
Breakthrough Athlete - Jeremy Lin (Chris 3:3 Jason)
Best Record-Breaking Performance - Drew Brees (Chris 3:3 Jason)
I guess the best closer of all time breaking the saves record (a record that will NEVER be touched) just can't stand up to a guy in the extremely passer-friendly NFL breaking a passing record that was also broken by another player in the same season and will be broken in the next season. Fuck you, America.
Best Game - 49ers at Saints (Chris 4:4 Jason)
Best Moment - Tim Tebow's Overtime Touchdown (Chris 5:4 Jason)
Gotta love that the best moment of the entire year in sports was a poor defensive showing. Right?
Best Coach - Tom Coughlin (Chris 6:4 Jason)
Best Comeback - Matthew Stafford (Chris 7:4 Jason)
Best Male College Athlete - Robert Griffin III (Chris 8:4 Jason)
I don't even think anyone watched RG3 when he was in college. He kind of just exploded in the weeks leading up to the draft, and then he magically became better than Andrew Luck just because of his personality. And then Washington threw away their future for him. Smells like a bust. Just wait.
Best Female College Athlete - Brittney Griner (Chris 9:5 Jason)
Best NFL Player - Aaron Rodgers (Chris 10:6 Jason)
Best MLB Player - Josh Hamilton (Chris 11:7 Jason)
Best NHL Player - Jonathan Quick (Chris 11:8 Jason)
Best NBA Player - LeBron James (Chris 12:9 Jason)