Friday, January 29, 2016


If you accidentally smashed your phone on the ground on Wednesday and didn't have the ability to check Twitter, then the title of this post will make no sense to you. Get off of this web page, go do some research, and come back when you know what's going on.

Welcome back.

Now that you know that Kanye likes things inside of his butt, I have some great news for you: #KanyeAnalPlaylist is trending on Twitter, and it is the greatest. I think I could spend all day refreshing that page, and honestly I might do that because it's Friday and my job stinks worse than Kim Kardashian's fingers.

I thought it would be fun to go through some of Kanye's most popular songs to see if he's been giving us hints of his tendency to play in the ass all along.

Stronger (2007) - 8 Weeks On The Billboard Hot 100, Peaked at #1

"Man I've been waiting all night now" could be talking about fingers in butts, but it's really vague unless you know that he's real anxious about his butt stuff.

And I guess "So go ahead, go nuts, go apeshit" might be a loosely-hidden instruction for a really aggressive session.

Overall, I'd rate Stronger a reasonable two fingers in the butt out of five.

Gold Digger (2005) - 17 Weeks On The Hot 100, Peaked at #1

I'm going to defer to my Twitter friend Jordie:

Five fingers in the butt out of five. Perfect tweet.


Heartless (2009) - 14 Weeks On The Hot 100, Peaked at #2

I kind of want to give Heartless five fingers in the butt right off the bat because it's Kanye's only song to ever peak at number two. 

The lyrics of the actual song read like a letter from Kanye to Amber Rose after she ruined him on Twitter:

"How could you be so heartless? I mean, after all the things that we been through. I mean, after all the things we got into. Oh, how could you be so heartless?"

Overall, I'm disappointed about the lack of anal references in the song. Just one lone finger in the butt. 

Love Lockdown (2008) - 2 Weeks On The Hot 100, Peaked at #3

"So I keep it low, keep a secret code, so everybody else don't have to know"

That's right, Ye. Just bury it and deny it. Everyone will forget about this soon enough. 

Honestly, I would much rather prefer him to come right out, be proud, and join the #ButtStuff2016 movement. One finger in the butt for being too old-fashioned.

(Quick interlude: I couldn't really find any rear penetration-themed lyrics in Good Life, All Falls Down, Through The Wire , or All Of The Lights, but holy shit Old Kanye was the best. I also refuse to even consider Jesus Walks lyrics for the purpose of this post.)

Clique (2012) - 11 Weeks On The Hot 100, Peaked at #15

"What niggas did in Paris got 'em hanging off the Eiffel" is perplexing because "hanging off the Eiffel" is a little bit of an ambiguous phrase. I have no idea what it means, or what people were doing after they saw what Kanye did. But I think we all know what happened in Paris.

"Now I'm looking at a crib right next to where TC live - that's Tom Cruise" - Uh oh, things are going downhill fast. One weekend in France and Kanye became a full-fledged butt orgy guy.

Three fingers in the butt for the clique.

Runaway (2010) - 1 Week On The Hot 100, Peaked at #12

"Let's have a toast for the assholes"

I think that's something we can all agree on. Five fingers in the butt.

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